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List I – Mark Twain – Quotes


  1. I am an old man and have known a great many troubles, but most of them never happened.” — Mark Twain
  2. I came in with Halley’s Comet in 1835. It is coming again next year, and I expect to go out with it. It will be the greatest disappointment of my life if I don’t go out with Halley’s Comet. The Almighty has said, no doubt: ‘Now here are these two unaccountable freaks; they came in together, they must go out together.’” — Mark Twain
  3. I can live for two months on a good compliment.” — Mark Twain
  4. I didn’t attend the funeral, but I sent a nice letter saying I approved of it.” — Mark Twain
  5. I don’t give a damn for a man that can only spell a word one way.” — Mark Twain
  6. I don’t like to commit myself about heaven and hell – you see, I have friends in both places.” — Mark Twain
  7. I have been complimented many times and they always embarrass me; I always feel that they have not said enough.” — Mark Twain
  8. I have never let my schooling interfere with my education.” — Mark Twain
  9. I have never taken any exercise, except sleeping and resting, and I never intend to take any.” — Mark Twain
  10. I make it a rule never to smoke while I’m sleeping.” — Mark Twain
  11. I must have a prodigious quantity of mind; it takes me as much as a week sometimes to make it up.” — Mark Twain
  12. I never let schooling interfere with my education.” — Mark Twain
  13. I never smoke to excess – that is, I smoke in moderation, only one cigar at a time.” — Mark Twain
  14. I was gratified to be able to answer promptly, and I did. I said I didn’t know.” — Mark Twain
  15. I was seldom able to see an opportunity until it had ceased to be one.” — Mark Twain
  16. Ideally a book would have no order to it, and the reader would have to discover his own.” — Mark Twain
  17. If it’s your job to eat a frog, it’s best to do it first thing in the morning. And If it’s your job to eat two frogs, it’s best to eat the biggest one first.” — Mark Twain
  18. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve man, but deteriorate the cat.” — Mark Twain
  19. If the world comes to an end, I want to be in Cincinnati. Everything comes there ten years later.” — Mark Twain
  20. If you hold a cat by the tail you learn things you cannot learn any other way.” — Mark Twain
  21. If you tell the truth, you don’t have to remember anything.” — Mark Twain
  22. In ‘Huckleberry Finn,’ I have drawn Tom Blankenship exactly as he was. He was ignorant, unwashed, insufficiently fed; but he had as good a heart as ever any boy had.” — Mark Twain
  23. In the first place, God made idiots. That was for practice. Then he made school boards.” — Mark Twain
  24. In the Spring, I have counted 136 different kinds of weather inside of 24 hours.” — Mark Twain
  25. It ain’t those parts of the Bible that I can’t understand that bother me, it is the parts that I do understand.” — Mark Twain
  26. It ain’t what you don’t know that gets you into trouble. It’s what you know for sure that just ain’t so.” — Mark Twain
  27. It is better to deserve honors and not have them than to have them and not deserve them.” — Mark Twain
  28. It is better to keep your mouth closed and let people think you are a fool than to open it and remove all doubt.” —Mark Twain
  29. It is better to take what does not belong to you than to let it lie around neglected.” — Mark Twain
  30. It is by the goodness of God that in our country we have those three unspeakably precious things: freedom of speech, freedom of conscience, and the prudence never to practice either of them.” — Mark Twain
  31. It is curious that physical courage should be so common in the world and moral courage so rare.” — Mark Twain
  32. It is easier to stay out than get out.” — Mark Twain
  33. It is just like man’s vanity and impertinence to call an animal dumb because it is dumb to his dull perceptions.” —Mark Twain
  34. It put our energies to sleep and made visionaries of us – dreamers and indolent… It is good to begin life poor; it is good to begin life rich – these are wholesome; but to begin it prospectively rich! The man who has not experienced it cannot imagine the curse of it.” — Mark Twain
  35. It usually takes me more than three weeks to prepare a good impromptu speech.” — Mark Twain
  36. It was wonderful to find America, but it would have been more wonderful to miss it.” — Mark Twain
  37. It were not best that we should all think alike; it is difference of opinion that makes horse races.” — Mark Twain
  38. It’s good sportsmanship to not pick up lost golf balls while they are still rolling.” — Mark Twain
  39. It’s no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense.” — Mark Twain
  40. It’s not the size of the dog in the fight, it’s the size of the fight in the dog.” — Mark Twain
  41. I’ve never let my school interfere with my education.” — Mark Twain

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