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List T – Mark Twain – Quotes

  1. The best way to cheer yourself up is to try to cheer somebody else up.

  2. The Christian’s Bible is a drug store. Its contents remain the same, but the medical practice changes.

  3. The difference between the almost right word and the right word is really a large matter – ’tis the difference between the lightning-bug and the lightning.

  4. The educated Southerner has no use for an ‘r’, except at the beginning of a word.

  5. The fear of death follows from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.

  6. The finest clothing made is a person’s own skin, but, of course, society demands something more than this.

  7. The first of April is the day we remember what we are the other 364 days of the year.

  8. The human race has one really effective weapon, and that is laughter.

  9. The human race is a race of cowards; and I am not only marching in that procession but carrying a banner.

  10. The lack of money is the root of all evil.

  11. The main difference between a cat and a lie is that a cat only has nine lives.

  12. The man who does not read good books has no advantage over the man who cannot read them.

  13. The man who is a pessimist before 48 knows too much; if he is an optimist after it, he knows too little.

  14. The more things are forbidden, the more popular they become.

  15. The more you explain it, the more I don’t understand it.

  16. The most interesting information comes from children, for they tell all they know and then stop.

  17. The only way to keep your health is to eat what you don’t want, drink what you don’t like, and do what you’d rather not.

  18. The Public is merely a multiplied ‘me.’

  19. The public is the only critic whose opinion is worth anything at all.

  20. The reports of my death have been greatly exaggerated.

  21. The right word may be effective, but no word was ever as effective as a rightly timed pause.

  22. The rule is perfect: in all matters of opinion our adversaries are insane.

  23. The secret of getting ahead is getting started.

  24. The secret source of humor is not joy but sorrow; there is no humor in Heaven.

  25. The trouble ain’t that there is too many fools, but that the lightning ain’t distributed right.

  26. The very ink with which history is written is merely fluid prejudice.

  27. The wit knows that his place is at the tail of a procession.

  28. There are basically two types of people. People who accomplish things, and people who claim to have accomplished things. The first group is less crowded.

  29. There are lies, damned lies and statistics.

  30. There are people who can do all fine and heroic things but one – keep from telling their happiness to the unhappy.

  31. There are several good protections against temptation, but the surest is cowardice.

  32. There are times when one would like to hang the whole human race, and finish the farce.

  33. There is a charm about the forbidden that makes it unspeakably desirable.

  34. There is no distinctly American criminal class – except Congress.

  35. There is no sadder sight than a young pessimist.

  36. Thousands of geniuses live and die undiscovered – either by themselves or by others.

  37. Thunder is good, thunder is impressive; but it is lightning that does the work.

  38. To be good is noble; but to show others how to be good is nobler and no trouble.

  39. To refuse awards is another way of accepting them with more noise than is normal.

  40. Training is everything. The peach was once a bitter almond; cauliflower is nothing but cabbage with a college education.

  41. Truth is mighty and will prevail. There is nothing wrong with this, except that it ain’t so.

  42. Truth is stranger than fiction, but it is because Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities; Truth isn’t.

  43. Truth is the most valuable thing we have. Let us economize it.

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