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List W – Mark Twain – Quotes


  1. Water, taken in moderation, cannot hurt anybody.

  2. We Americans… bear the ark of liberties of the world.

  3. We are all alike, on the inside.

  4. We have the best government that money can buy.

  5. What a wee little part of a person’s life are his acts and his words! His real life is led in his head, and is known to none but himself.

  6. What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin.

  7. What, sir, would the people of the earth be without woman? They would be scarce, sir, almighty scarce.

  8. When a person cannot deceive himself the chances are against his being able to deceive other people.

  9. When angry, count to four; when very angry, swear.

  10. When I was younger I could remember anything, whether it happened or not.

  11. When in doubt tell the truth.

  12. When people do not respect us we are sharply offended; yet in his private heart no man much respects himself.

  13. When red-haired people are above a certain social grade their hair is auburn.

  14. When we remember we are all mad, the mysteries disappear and life stands explained.

  15. When you fish for love, bait with your heart, not your brain.

  16. When your friends begin to flatter you on how young you look, it’s a sure sign you’re getting old.

  17. Whenever you find yourself on the side of the majority, it is time to pause and reflect.

  18. Why is it that we rejoice at a birth and grieve at a funeral? It is because we are not the person involved.

  19. Why shouldn’t truth be stranger than fiction? Fiction, after all, has to make sense.

  20. Wit is the sudden marriage of ideas which, before their union, were not perceived to have any relation.

  21. Words are only painted fire; a look is the fire itself.

  22. Work consists of whatever a body is obliged to do. Play consists of whatever a body is not obliged to do.

  23. Work is a necessary evil to be avoided.

  24. Wrinkles should merely indicate where smiles have been.

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